Just had the cool experience of being interviewed by Kaitlin Pike, the Web 2.0 Expo Community Manager. She asked some pointed questions about my Ignite presentation and I wanted to share an excerpt (my favorite part):
In response to her experience, Paige created “A New Way to Mug” for robbers to follow:
- State the other person’s behavior: “She has a laptop, and she’s just walking around with it.”
- State your emotional response: “That pisses me off. I want that laptop.”
- State choices to the other person as a result of your emotional response: “If you don’t give me that laptop I’m going to get violent.”
Although the example for these three steps involves muggers, Paige believes they should be applied much more broadly. “This can be used in any situation requiring negotiation,” she said.
For instance, imagine your boss gives you a deadline for a project you know needs more time. 1) State the other person’s behavior: “The boss has given me a deadline that isn’t realistic if we want a quality product.” 2) State how that makes you feel. “This makes me anxious.” 3) State choices to the other person as a result of your emotional response. “Boss, I am anxious this deadline as it stands will force us to cut back on important features. If you give me 4 more days I can deliver a much higher quality product.”
The important thing to remember, Paige said, is that the person cannot “make” you feel anything—your response to your boss could have been ambivalence; “It’s not my fault the product will suck. Oh well.”
Paige did not make the mugger feel angry—that was simply her response to Paige’s behavior. When in a negotiation or conflict, say things such as “While you were doing this, this is how I felt.” People aren’t mind readers, and if you want to resolve issues with them you need to be straightforward with your feelings and what you want out of the discussion.
Thanks Kaitlin, for not asking if you minded if you unzip your pants, and for making me sound smart 
Full interview can be found here.
